I love those “a-ha!” moments that we get in life. They come out of nowhere, and the simplest thing triggers them. It might have been a bird on a branch, the guy in a commercial, or just seeing the mess in your kitchen. It finally clicks and takes you to a new dimension. More ideas come flowing in, the passion is ignited, and you realize what you need to do. These moments are pretty memorable as well, and that is why I am sharing this with you today.
I remember being at home with some friends studying or working on some project. I was probably in my sophomore year of college. I was chatting with a friend who is open-minded and very to the point with everything and everyone. We must have been talking about someone who had angered us because in the middle of the conversation I realized that telling someone off can many times be a response to the need to nurse our own pride. We need to put that person in their place and let them know that we are not to be messed with. Yet, did we fix the real issue?
Understanding that what I really want to do when I am hurt, is hurt someone back, took me by surprise. I don’t have to be the most benevolent person to see how destroying this behavior is. The chain of hurt that it will let loose is unending. Something else to consider is that if I care for that person, my manner will not encourage that person to make a change. Making a change should be the goal, and not taking care of my ego.
Our goal in sitting down with someone should not be to crush their spirit. The people around us that unfortunately hurt us or do something inappropriate need to be told that it is wrong, but we need to do it in a way that will actually stop them from doing that. Coming at them in an insulting manner will probably not help the situation; one would be making it about us instead of what just isn’t right, and we risk creating a wedge in the relationship with this person and/or this person continuing making bad decisions.
In our attempt to communicate that we are hurt or offended, we need to be efficient and careful. We might not have the patience for it whenever it happens, so we either take a deep breath or wait some time. When reaching out we should still be kind and not use intimidating tactics to set our territory. The boundaries of the relationship should be clear and so should we: what happened and how it affected us should be presented, and reaching out for support should not be left out, because we do not know what that person is going through. We might have been victims of bad habits or the first person they saw after receiving horrible news. Let’s give people the benefit of the doubt and be there for them. If we can’t serve as support, stop the chain of hurt and don’t retaliate.