I belong to an army of people who have been coping with today by indulging in their not good habits. It’s not only time that we are trying to make pass by; there is so much pain and fear that we have to do something to distract us from our reality.
Four months is a long time to be living in uncertainty, and the worst part is that there is no end in sight. As the days blend into weeks, our guilty pleasures start losing their attraction and we start being prodded by that discomfort that we’ve been trying to keep captive. We then are taken to the place where it is all raw and true, and we have to face the music.
It’s not easy to be there. See, almost all of us avoid this place of light, because it shows who we truly are, which can be uncomfortable for us and others. If we haven’t processed or allowed ourselves to be, how are we going to invite others to this venue ? So we decide to cover it with stuff and activities. We socialize and keep it light to avoid bringing someone close to the door of our hearts. We pour into our phones because the distance from people keeps us safe. We buy and fill our houses with gadgets and magazine-worthy furniture and call it happiness, when what we have truly wanted can’t be bought.
The purpose of this conversation is not to shame or anger. We all know that doing fun things, spending time with others, and participating of hobbies is not only beneficial but needed by us. What I have had to realize is that fun is no longer enough for me. It hasn’t been enough for my relationship with others, and now it doesn’t satisfy me personally. Being at home has pushed me to dig deeper and invest in myself. This might still be fun, but it doesn’t always feel like it.
The ways I used to entertain myself don’t hold as much power as before. It feels like junk food to my brain: cheap and with little nutritional value. I understand that I have to actually put some effort into making my free time more fulfilling. I’ve had to dig deeper to find resources that satisfy me. Surprisingly, it has been the little things that have made me enjoy more of my day. I’ve been baking, walking around our neighborhood, listening to books, and watching documentaries (check out Instagram, @thrivinginsimplicity). There is nothing very special about them, yet before I would not have had the time to invest in these things, but just enjoy them periodically. Another unexpected benefit is that because I have relaxed doing these activities, I am ready to add to my repertoire and delve into other even more fulfilling activities.I desire to write more frequently and tap into other more creative endeavors.
My thought led me to think that in the same way, we let material things and busyness and events distract us from our light. We don’t create the connection and feel uneasy inside, pushing ourselves away. Yet don’t we know, that growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones ? For some discomfort might feel like a bully that won’t stop shaking us. The irony of darkness is that while we think that being in it we are protected from ridicule, we are continually shoved into more darkness, making us more desperate. Standing under its cover is as standing under a holey umbrella in a torrential storm. One step closer to our light, makes us stronger and leaves us with the desire for even more. Our potential can be seen around the corner, showing its head, and our curiosity sparks to meet it eye to eye.
Let’s allow the light to shine. Yes, it is hard to have to dig deep and leave the couch, or pick up the phone and share our thoughts. What we get out of it, makes it worth it. Just take one step forward closer to you.