In the last few years, my life has changed drastically. Not only did I get married and have a baby, but I started delving into removing the excess in my life. That has shown in our home decor, my closet, and even our kitchen utensils. I also mentally have checked out from anything that doesn’t add to me. I enjoy time in honesty and kindness as well as quick cleaning.
Lately, I have been learning about my eating habits. Trying intermittent fasting has given me the strength to push myself and say no to mindless treats. I am more in tune with my body, thus with my mind. How many times did I just go for yogurt because I thought it was time for a snack? How many pieces of cake did I eat not because I truly wanted to, but because it was available? Even those flavors that I don’t prefer?
I have also made friends with our budget and have been sticking to it. Before being married I used to buy things that were cute or simply because I liked them, not understanding that those aren’t reasons for a purchase. I also went to it as a way to do something fun on my own or from anywhere, with my phone. I still enjoy shopping very much, and now aim to pick up those things that bring value to me in a practical and aesthetic way, and that I really love.
During pandemic times, these slowly-learned habits have been my companions and have helped me stay somewhat sane. In a time where I can’t shop to distract myself, now I look at what I do have and mix and match to make it work. I am discovering more of what I like and have gone through my closet to remove anything that just doesn’t match this version of me. I cook to feed my family and also to learn new recipes, being careful to not stuff my face mindlessly. The layers of what I have been told is right or that were molded by my surroundings, are slowly falling and allowing my eyes to enjoy what I have always craved for and in some cases was already there.
I like a life not overflowing with activities or material objects but with time to experiment with the new. I enjoy taking long walks with my family. I like revisiting the pieces in my closet that seem to have sewn made for me. I love to find joy in the simple. The irony is that I accumulated in search of contentment, but I never thought that having less would lead me to the happiness that I was striving for, or show me what I really want.
I don’t have my impulses or old coping mechanisms fully under control, as my household will attest, but I am on the right path. The next major goal to conquer is learning to wait for the real thing. I am currently in the growing pains of appreciating and visiting other hobbies, like reading and exercising. It isn’t easy because the high is not as immediate and I am not at the point of peak enjoyment, but it is okay; I am working on it. Moving from instant to delayed gratification is in the works. I think that I will be able to get there by continuing to lower my expectations from illusory to realistic. In other words, moving from thinking that I can get away with a Stevia dessert ( I don’t think I have ever voluntarily have had Stevia) to treasuring real sugar and just waiting for the ice cream from the slab place. It’s just a different kind of sweet.
In the middle of chaos, these reflections inspire peace in me. I am becoming less interested in the offerings of a fast-paced world, and more focused in what truly matters and is absolutely free and abundant. I am not sure what the other side of COVID will have for us, but I am bringing with me a lighter mindset and continued hope for a beautiful tomorrow.