My Mid-Year Review

Even though I haven’t been very communicative, I have still attempted to stay in the path.

My goal for the year is to wake up early. I have noticed that when I wake up earlier rather than just in time to work on my responsibilities, I feel more driven and free during the morning. By the evening, there are still things to do, yet since I have already started tackling them, I cut myself some slack if I don’t get anything outside of dinner and bedtime done.

early to rise>>> less guilt of laziness

However, I really wish I could say I have this done recurrently. Waking up every night to feed the baby and then having a full day of work ahead was not easy to handle. Because of feeling strained with parenting duties I allowed myself to technologically pacify my anxiety, and wrote it out as nursing my tired soul. Truthfully, a portion was an investment in rest and another one water down the drain. We all know that too much of something is not more but less.

I have been working harder to get up earlier but still am not consistent on time. For some reason my brain determines snoozing behavior based on when I truly need to be out of the bed to get out of the house or to work. I will confess that I go to bed at an unreasonable hour for someone who wants to be an early riser. I’ve developed this preference where I want to go to sleep only if my eyelids are heavily shutting. I suspect that the blue light from my phone is keeping them wide open (call me Sherlie Holmes). I also conclude that I need a good method for calling sleep. Depending on exhaustion is just running on a hamster wheel.

On a better hand, I can say that in this period of my life I have more freely given myself grace. Notice how I didn’t use the word “focused” at the beginning of the post. I have slowly gotten more in tune with my body and have been prioritizing its needs over my mind’s wants. Ironic because I just stated the opposite, yet it’s all about the process. I do want immediate results but I just am not willing to do a 180 so quickly. With having to help two little people survive and thrive, I don’t want any more rigorous challenges in my life for an indefinite amount of time.

Slow is the way to go.

• I want to exercise a few times a week. Didn’t wake up early for a jog and have no energy for it now. Solution: walk!
• I want to not eat ice cream and cookies and cake everyday (and lose weight). I don’t want to quit sugar cold turkey. Solution: do small dessert days!
• I want to not spend so much time on my phone but I don’t want to set a timer. Solution: don’t touch your phone in specific situations, like when with people. And pick up an interesting book!

Nothing is drastic or mind blowing , but I rather have small victories daily than torture myself for a slightly possible large win. Because here is the big secret: if you add all the small ones, you will have an even bigger victory. I wouldn’t be able to focus on all those things and life at the same time without my eye balls popping from their sockets. I’m a tough cookie but there is no need to torture myself for a smaller waist, and take my children down with me. It is not only pleasurable for the whole family but so much better to take things slowly because I create a habit and not just work towards a goal.

Goals<<<Habits

I’ve transitioned to wanting the habit more than the goal because I’ve failed at achieving the goal so many times ! When I look back and reflect, I can see that the problem was not lack of knowledge but lack of doing. I don’t exercise regularly not because I don’t have the resources but because I don’t get out of bed early enough. I eat so many sweets not because I don’t know that sugar isn’t good for you but because I keep making them available for me. Good habits will be making the decisions ahead of time. Doing things early.

So while I still struggle, I am moving forward.

Slow is the way to go.

I hope that by the end of the year, I have a better sleeping habit, and that the positive outcomes of that one will continue to light the fire in the other habits I am cooking.

Stay tuned.